What do I expect?

My husband and I are due with our second child in just three weeks time. This one is a boy (we already have a wonderful little girl, Annemarie) and is cooking right along. In the spirit of preparing for the babies birth my husband and I were discussing all the necessary tasks which we should complete before Ryan (boy on the way) arrives. Really serious things like finishing the nursery, cleaning all the bathrooms, packing a hospital bag, packing a bag for our daughter, packing a bag for the dog... and then he asked the question. Which now just seems loaded... “is there anything else you want me to do for the hospital part of this?” And without much thought I told him that I needed him to just be there for me, I mean that’s all we pregnant Moms really want right?

The conversation continues through out the evening. At one point, I asked him to google some relaxation techniques to help me through my attempt at Natural Birth. When he asked where to do for such information I thought I would be a smart ass and hit google, type in “dads role in birth” and just had him the iPad. So I did. Without reading what I just handed him. Big mistake! Because if you google that exact phrase and click on the first entry- mine happens to be from BabyCenter- the article is less then fulfilling. In fact it says NOTHING to the effect of what Dad’s role is in the hospital/birth. It basically says- “your role has changed...” Nothing to the effect of what he should bring, who he should call, massage, counter pressure, scented oils, a bathing suit for showering with me during labor... I mean nothing. WHO WROTE that article?? I want their job if they are getting the big bucks to write for BabyCenter...

So anyway- when I handed him the iPad without reading what I had just thrown in his lap like I was hottie pottie, he looked at the screen and says, “are you serious? Did you even read this?”

That pretty much ended my expedition to make him feel silly for not “knowing” what to do... because then I did read it- along with some other websites which were equally disappointing- and I immediately understood why he was asking me in the first place. There isn’t really great information for him to access- and when he does find something, he really is not sure if it is going to apply to my situation. Kudos hubs, I owe you undo credit. Thanks for asking the right questions and taking time to listen to me.

We spent the rest of the evening together- sans TV, surfing iTunes for relaxing music, setting up our HBOgo account, and planning how we will be spending those glorious magical moments trying to keep me from thinking about how much pain I am going to be in.

Side note- We found useful information available on http://www.americanpregnancy.org/

Au Naturale or No?

You might say I'm a little late to the ball game with this one, but better late then never right? I'm 36+ pregnant with my second child and I am contemplating natural child birth. I know I say this and there are two schools of thought... one being that birth is natural & should be left that way. Limited medical intervention, no epidurals, Episiotomy (ahh!), notta, nothing, do it in a field with wise men watching. Then there is the group that thinks this is nuts. They are the ones that want to give birth pain free with an epidural and a latte. I have friends on both sides, who have done it both ways. I have met people who had babies fall out of them and those of us who don't quite have it so easy. I get it... everyone thinks something different. Even medical professionals can't agree on the right approach.

Here is where I'm generally stuck. I had a C with my first child. I was 41 weeks pregnant, my fluid levels were dropping, she was getting big & it was time to send her the eviction notice.I had the induction, things went okay- I was in pain but not dying or screaming. I did it for 12 hours, and then she fell asleep. Literally, fell asleep, out cold, nothing would wake her up or move her. Her heart rate wouldn't stay on the monitor and then they gave us a choice. I can keep going for another couple hours see how things went or I could get it over with and they could get her out now. Mind you there were 5 of them sitting in the room with myself, my husband, my mother (who almost died having me) and father (who witnessed my birth & ordeal). I'll just say that I was scared by the urgency I felt and more scared my the monitor that kept beeping in my ear... I was petrified when my Dad looked at me and said very seriously "get her out and here safely."

I opted for the C section. I signed the paper, the hospital staff whisked away all my loved ones at the same time, and left me with a nurse and anesthesiologist who quickly lost feeling in his right hand when I refused to let go of it. The operation wasn't that bad, to be honest I don't remember anything other then really bright lights and the fact that my doctor was talking with nurses about going to the beach later that month. Relaxing right? Other then the giant blue cloth, the no feeling, and the clattering of instruments on the table next to me I was just peachy and balling my eyes out. I was so scared- then I saw her. They held her up, stitched me up, and sent us into recovery. This is where we stayed for 3+ hours while I regained feeling in my legs. I was afraid to hold my baby because I was so drugged. That night was not a pleasant experience.

At 3 am (12 hours after my surgery) the nurse came in to wake me up. So that my chances of developing blood clots from sitting for so long would be diminished. I had to get up under my own power waddle to the bathroom. I was helped to wash my incision off with a squeegee bottle and rag over a toilet. The pain I felt was like someone had kicked me in the gut repeatedly with steal toe boots. The nurse then helped me to change my dressing and mesh panties. Then back to bed I waddled to "go back to sleep" before the baby was wheeled back in for feeding.  

I didn't read a lot about birth before having my daughter. I was young the pregnancy was a surprise and we had a hell of a lot going on. I got married, moved, & had a baby with in a 6 month time span. That's a couple of whammies on life's big to do list to have happen all at once. But forgive me if I don't want to go through with the above mentioned ordeal one more time. Or ever again...

Back to being stuck. I am going for a VBAC. This is the general term for Vaginal Birth After Cesarean. There risks associate with this type of birth. about 1% of these end up with a rupture of the uterus. This is when there is a tear in my incision from my previous C section and my uterus tears open allowing the baby to float out into my abdomen. In some cases, about 7% of the 1% who rupture, this means the mother or child will perish. Not a happy thought. Never the less I am an educated woman & I need to seriously consider my risks vs. rewards.


I know I can do this. I can have this baby. Without being cut, with out drugs of any kind, with a happy ending. But it involves risk.... and I need to figure out which part of my brain I should listen to- The part that says "you can do it, you can do it, rah rah rah" or the part that says "shut up, suck it up, and get him here with minimal risk."